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| Life's a bitch |
| 08.10.03 (10:02 am) [edit] |
Is it just me? am i alone? what the hell is going on?! its the six weeks, have lost contact with most friends, including those i love, those i hate, those i desire. Some of my friends have stood by me, others have just forgotton and are living their lives like they should be.
My weight has piled on, now at 8.12-5 stone. Thats aprox. 124lbs, i think so anyway. My once 'baggy' jeans are having trouble slipping up my 'so called size ten waist'. I'm lonely, really. Mum has a boyfriend, yep...so there was my dad, then bonnie, molly, louies dad, then sapphires dad, and now here is the fourth-comer!
My love...well, he phoned me. And i didn't answer. Well, i couldn't answer. I was annoyed to see '1 missed call' written across the screen of my mobile, pressing down the button and seeing his name...i wish i did, i wish i could see him.
I want to lose weight, i want to lose 2 stone...oh how my dreams will be fulfilled, i'd have the confidence to dance at parties, meet new people and do the things i've always wanted to do, and been to embarrassed to do. Sex is on the menu.
I think i'm getting strong feelings for another boy too, i have not seen him in about 1-2 months, i remember the last smile on his face, and the last hug i hugged with him. I want to see him, and i might see him next week...please be true.
I've been on this PC all day, literally, how sad am i? i'll probably get ill staring at this screen all day, i haven't even had a break. I'm seeing my best friend today, and hopefully i will accept his invatation down his house.
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| Looking at me |
| 07.10.03 (1:12 pm) [edit] |
What was it about today? he looked at me, the one i like, but treading her way to the side of me my best friend takes over. She, with a pretty face, nice figure and good sense of humour is today, and most days, the boys most destined girl. Annoyed. I get a cuddle from him, and cuddle that i have not had since we broke up...we both liked it, we together, like eachother. He told me he likes me. But i'm not the only one...
My best friend...Yes, he likes her...he likes her alot, he touches her all the time, and touches me occasionally. She flirts, flirts constantely demanding every bit of attention she can get. Seeing as she is now beautiful, i'm not suprised he flirted back.
She is a bit of a slag. She has boys hooked around everywhere, she wants boys for some sex. More sex. She wants him, the one i like, and she knows i like him. And i know she likes him. He likes us both, but with her more "forward" and "flirty" charms, she puts me to rest in a confused shell. I'm trapped and i cannot escape.
She is better than me. She is definetely better than me. But he won't admit it, he won't tell me...but i know that she's better than me, and i know what they all think of her and think of me. Although we are both the two of the most loved girls in the school, she stands out...especially her boobs. Even though from some male sources they are fake.
She is gone next week. For a week. Giving me time to do what i need to do alone, and not have her stand in front of me with her chest out and lips touching his cheek...like yesterday...her "birthday kiss". He responded to her with his present of a "birthday kiss".
One boy told me...they prefer me, they all prefer me...so why is this happening? i asked 'him'. "Because she is easy" He replied "and you can get a grope off her boobs and she won't complain for being a perve".
...This problem is going to be over, and i will tell him how i feel...
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